Well, it's official, IVF #5 ended negatively. I had a little bit of spotting on Friday morning, and I tested on a hpt Friday night. The test was stark white. Mark and I decided that I would just go in for my beta test on Saturday morning. It was no surprise when the nurse called and said "I'm sorry."
Yesterday was hard. We had our families over for Rosh Hashannah dinner. I guess in some ways, being so focused on getting everything ready helped to not break down. My nieces and nephew were over last night and it just reminded me of how badly I too want a family.
I think this failure hit Mark harder than the others. This was the one that was supposed to work. We traveled to Mexico for LIT, I was drug free for the transfer, I did acupuncture, and yet, it still didn't work. We definitely need some answers.
I have to wait until October 8, to meet with our RE again. At this point, I have to insist on some additional testing. I mean, there is a definite problem here. We can't just be that unlucky 5 times. I'm also a bit disappointed with my last half fresh cycle. I only stimmed for 7 days, which might have contributed to the issue.
Regardless, this is going to be a very hard week for me. I seem to be fine by night time, but every morning that I get up, I'm reminded that I'm still not pregnant, and I can barely get out of bed. I guess the key is to just keep very busy. I can start exercising again, and we are hanging out with good friends next weekend. I'm also giving up acupuncture, as it clearly is not the answer for me.
If anyone reading this has dealt with IVF failures, please post on ways that you are coping. I'm always up for suggestions.
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I am so sorry. It's just so unfair.
ReplyDeleteMy honest opinion is that I think you should look into a new RE. Is Cornell an option? I hear they are the best of the best. For me, after 3 chemicals in a row, I was ready to bring out the big guns. As you know, I had the consult with CCRM, which was fantastic, and it renewed my hope.
Can you look into beta 3 integrin testing? Have you guys done chromosomal karyotyping as well?
Hugs, my friend. It isn't over yet. It just isn't.
I've had 3 ivf failures and 4 c/ps so far. I'm not sure how I'm still standing to tell you the truth. Some days are still really hard. I took a full 4-6 weeks after the last ivf failed to just mourn and cry and be depressed. After that I wouldn't say I was 'better' but things definitely weren't as bad. I just refuse to give up hope. We're still in the middle of a 4 month break, but during that time we got two second opinions (one with CCRM and one with a local RE). We got a lot of hope from the second local RE, but CCRM was kind of depressing. We spoke to Dr. Schoolcraft and he jumped right to donor eggs and gestational carriers. We weren't ready to go there yet. Our own RE presented our case at a meeting of all the clinic's REs, embryologists, etc (dozens of specialists altogether). They gave us pretty good feedback- a couple of procedures/tests to try, but overall they felt very hopeful that we would have success if we just stuck with it. They said the statistics are on our side. I guess I just have to believe that for now. I am so sorry that you are going through all this. (kiki11)
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